


The Arda Times

by HASA_Archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Humor, Multi-Age, Writing - Experimental
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-23 09:13:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3762608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HASA_Archivist/pseuds/HASA_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Real News For Real People</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Arda Times

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the HASA Transition Team: This story was originally archived at [HASA](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Henneth_Ann%C3%BBn_Story_Archive), which closed in February 2015. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2015. We posted announcements about the move, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact The HASA Transition Team using the e-mail address on the [HASA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hasa/profile).

                               ** THE ARDA TIMES**

                      **REAL NEWS FOR REAL PEOPLE**

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IS ELLESAR AND ARWEN'S MARRIAGE IN TROUBLE?

Probably not. We don't know and we've got no evidence; but let's ask the question anyway and fill up lot's of space

Tommorow

IS EOMER'S MARRIAGE IN TROUBLE?

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LEGOLAS THRANDUILLION GREATEST WARRIOR EVER

Legolas Thranduillion's incredible achievement in winning the War of The Ring (he only fought three battles. Ed.) at the tender age of two thousand means he is unquestionably Arda's greatest warrior ever (he fought three battles. Ed), one who is now odds on to win every war in this age, and every age to come, which means he is, in fact, the greatest warrior of all time (your're fired. Ed)

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BOOK OF THE WEEK

_Thranduil: Portrait Of A Pshychopath_

Stunningly accurate biofic portraying the King of Mirkwood as he really was- a twisted malevolent wife beater who may well have been the love child of Morgorth and Ungoliante. Author legolashaldirelfluver2090874538 gives an uncanny portrayal of an unpleasant and wisdom challenged tyrant, whose only desire was to murder his diminutive son, the abused paraplegic, Legolas. We trace Thranduil's early life in Doriath, where he engaged in the popular Sindar sport, Hildi Hunting. From there, it was all downhill as he drank, took drugs and had affairs with various mortal women until his death at the hands of a red haired half-elven assasin from Gondor. He never produced another law. (That's enough. Ed)

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IS GANDALF A PAEDO?

Ten Tell-Tale Signs

1) Has a young 'travelling' companion

2) Has a beard and lures young children with a promise of spectacular 'fireworks'

3) Is fond of lurking in the Shire, home of the uncommonly youthful Halflings

4) Is forever talking about a 'Magic Ring'

5) Come on

6) It's obvious isn't it?

7) Let's get the weirdo!


End file.
